This is one of the poems I was prompted to write by events being
held around the Dylan Thomas Centenary, which was celebrated to the full
in south and west Wales through 2014.
I had the chance to read this at a spoken word event at the
Dylan Thomas Boathouse in Laugharne, which was organised by poet in residence
Samantha Wynne-Rhydderch.
This was the place where Dylan and Caitlin spent several
years of their marriage, and while the celebrations of Dylan’s life were shouting
loud, I decided to look sideways and take a look at Caitlin’s story.
*Warning: contains strong language.
*Warning: contains strong language.
And so it was
We boozed and we fucked our way
through
the sixteen years
we
called our marriage.
Fuelled
by alcohol,
with
oaths and curses and infidelity;
we’d have fallen down
without the drink,
so
we would.
We
fell into bed that first day.
Always
lovin and fightin,
drinkin
and fuckin
our lives were raw, red
bleeding meat;
with
booze, words,
poems,
stories, and sex - and kids.
What’ll the neighbours say, you wrote,
what’ll the neighbours say.
What he’ll do for drink,
falling in the gutter.
That’s
what they said.
You
were a hopeless bloody father,
you
drank all the money.
No Good Boyo,
so
you were.
And
you fucked all the shameless women.
I
could’ve killed you,
I
wanted to kill you.
I
banged your head on the floor,
again
and again.
It
was all our own hopeless war.
I
wanted to be worse than you.
I
loved the wine and the men,
the
wantonness, and more and more.
I
had my revenge,
so
I did.
And
when you died, my struggle was over.
It
was a relief, at first,
so
it was.
Then
I found my leftover life
and
I had that to kill.
The sky is torn across, you wrote,
Now our love lies a loss,
and
so it does.
*With
words from Under Milk Wood and On a Wedding Anniversary, by Dylan
Thomas and words of Caitlin Thomas from an interview with Vincent Kane, ‘The
Leftover Wife’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQzcQ1KVFaM
LINKS
http://www.dylanthomasboathouse.com/
http://dylanthomas100.org/
